It all started with...a cough with pink phlegm.
"What the hell?"
I ignored it. That was in October 2009 just before we were heading out to do...something. Heck, I can't even remember what we were going out to do. After that, every time I moved too much, moving up and down the stairs, walking into the store from the parking lot, walking in the store...any physical movements ended up with me coughing up pink phlegm. I looked it up on-line. There are so many things that are involved with pink phlegm! I just nudged it into the "I have a cold" category and ignored it. We did not have insurance yet. I could not afford a doctor's appointment. Why go for a cold?
November. I couldn't walk five feet without feeling like I needed to sit down. I couldn't get a breath in. I felt tired. God, so damn tired. It was like I felt like I weighed 8000 pounds and there was no way to breathe sometimes. Eventually I slept on my left side without much problem. I would stay that way. All day long. I was able to fix food....then flop down again. I would walk so slow when we were out. It was like walking in thick mud. I know it was worrying my family, and me, but still...no insurance! We could barely get on with what we were making. More bills would mean harsher times. I would not do that to my family. Boy oh boy, what in the world was I thinking? Well, as I know, I am not alone with those thoughts. Many people think these thoughts more often than not. Many put off health care to save money. I was not alone!
December was just as bad and I was getting used to it all. Getting used to it. That phrase scares me. I could not walk more than a few feet before I stopped. I could not take in a full breath. I actually used to force myself to try to breathe in like I could once upon a time. I could count to 14 or 15 seconds for a deep, full breath during meditation. In December I was only able to count to 5. Five seconds of breathing. What was I thinking? Yes, we were not insured, but....never again. I would rather have bills than do that ever again. Please, if you are reading this. If you are ill, and you do not have insurance, go anyway!!! Please. Trust me. Go.
January 2010! Finally our insurance will kick in. We hear it will kick in around the middle of January or so, but I can go and they can call the insurance people since we were waiting on a card. I made an appointment for January 17th to go into the doctor, finally. I would be seen and it would all be over. Around January 3rd I started to crave....Aspirin. I would eat it every four hours. I would get up at night to just put one on my tongue...taste it, and spit it out because I was worried about overdosing on it, or hurting my stomach...or anything. It was odd! I even researched aspirin addiction to see if there was such a thing. Nothing could be found about it being an actual addiction....I was so confused! Why would I crave aspirin like it was the only thing I could ever want?
January 10th, my symptoms were worse, I coughed up blood and not just pink phlegm. It was time to go to the doctor without an appointment. I decided to go to the E.R. when my husband came home after work on the 11th. He agreed to take me. I sat down to this computer. I had a glass of milk, aspirin, and a couple of peanut butter crackers. Byron went to bed and Little A soon followed. Mr. D was on the day bed near me in the living room where he fell asleep. I was about to play some game or maybe check e-mail. I reached for the milk....and I was met with a fresh, deep pain in my right side. Just under the armpit, and into my chest area.
When I gasped from the pain that I felt....the pain grew to a fire like burn that cut off the breath, leaving me frightened and unsure as to what I should do. Was I having a heart attack? Was it a stroke? Was it just heart burn and if I burped would it go away, and was heart burn like that!? I didn't like it if it was! (I have never had heart burn..) Then my thoughts went to the aspirin. What if taking it, being addicted to it, had caused my stomach to wear out? What if this was the stomach lining worn out and eaten through? I was breaking out into a sweat when I got up, finally "getting it" that I needed to go to the E.R.. Now not the next day! I concentrated on breathing.
I got up slowly, walked, half-bent over into the bedroom, and woke up my husband who had just laid down. I actually felt bad waking him up. I got my shoes on. I still don't know how I did that. I grabbed my wallet. Then my robe. My baby boy had my coat and was all curled up in it. I moved with my husband out of the house, leaving the sleeping babies behind with their Uncle downstairs. I don't believe we even told him we were going to the Hospital! I kept worrying about them on the way to the E.R..
Half-way there I was ready to just flop over. I have a high pain tolerance. I have a huge, huge pain tolerance. This was really, really intense pain. I remember my husband telling me it wasn't too far. I think he said other things. I really wish I could remember what they were. I do know they were calming words, though, because we suddenly were at the E.R..
I just wanted my husband to go back home and be with the kids. I was worried about them more than me. He stayed until he was sure I was being watched closely and went home. I later heard that the kids were at the door when he got home, asking about me, and if I went to the hospital. What a night....my goodness. I can not imagine waking up to hear your parents going to the hospital....and then suddenly they were gone out the door? Wow. Just, wow.
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