Halloween

I have been so extremely out of it and busy with things that I just haven't had time to post anything like I want to post! Stress is part of it, but not all of it. I meant to update on the Halloween costumes and everything through all this but the truth is I didn't have a camera yet, and I need to get one to make all that happen the right way! So, soon that will be done. If they don't grow out of the costumes too soon! They are growing so fast around here! Up but not out, and I think D needs to grow out some. He's still behind in sizes and that is making me wonder if he's going to suddenly spurt out in height just before winter hits!

Today's Trick or Treat was going to be another pumpkin farm trip, but the one I chose that was the cheapest out of all the pumpkin farm trips, was not open on Halloween. They actually cut time short to avoid Halloween. The other pumpkin farms were way, way too expensive for our taste. A family of five, even with a Military Discount of B getting in free, was still just under $50. That was with coupons! I can not believe the prices of these places! We will not be going back to any pumpkin farm any time soon.

The only one place I would go to do something like that again is called Settlers Pond. They are a small place dedicated to being a shelter for many animals not normally taken at other shelters. Horses included of course, but they also have a kangaroo or two, some exotic cuties, and a rotten donkey who bit my youngest son's fingers, but it was all better in the end with a sucker from one of the ladies there at the farm. Perfect band aid!

They care for the animals and really make sure they have a place to live, not just exist. I enjoy the atmosphere and the purpose behind the program so I think spending half of what we pay at a pumpkin farm for that location is at least going to a good cause and not a commercialized farm dumped on a field. Ahem.

Battles & Relations

There is a certain battle going on in my head over someone of my past and I hate having it churn around in there. Sometimes I want to act on my impulses and do what they wish for something like this, but there is a very strong hesitancy holding that back. It's like a beast if it is holding me back from doing something I want more than anything to do. So the battle will probably continue for a little bit and then fade away as my kids and the day start to come into focus more and more. Until then, the battle is going to consume me a little. I can't even seem to distract myself enough to fix me something to eat. I have the kids munching on a few things now....maybe digging about for something will distract me, and get me to have food with my pills for once and not just tea.

To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing it's best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. - E.E. Cummings (I'm related to E.E. Cummings. That's so cool!)

Oops! and Zion

I honestly thought I had my husband's blog on here in one of my posts, but I think after an edit I did, it was gone! So here it is, because today I told him I mentioned his blog! Oops! Leave it to my brain! I know where it was taken and why though! See, we took this trip north to a place called Zion, Illinois, back in December, just around Christmas, and there were some incidents up there that he has already blogged so I though I would just make it easy and let you go read his blog because he writes better than me, and it's another location to visit! So, enjoy! And, sorry honey. I <3 U! O.M.G. !!!!  (That was so sarcastic it oozed out of my screen. We dislike text talk so much and just spoke about it tonight! Ha!)

Castle Mad Baron

Sugar & Hair Itches

What I thought was brown sugar turned out to be a bag of unaltered sugar. Unaltered? Unprocessed may sound better. This is my brain. This is my brain after a TIA. My brain is affected just as much as the left side of my body was affected. I know if I keep working my brain with certain activities it will strengthen it and some of these odd lapses will stop, or at least, not happen as often, but when my leg stops working on the stairs and I can't go up or back down? Hmm...I start to think I need to work on my body more than my mind.

Anyway, what I thought was brown sugar is just raw sugar. I didn't even know I bought it, and it was some time ago because this is the first time I have thought of making anything cookie like from scratch for months. I felt very good and wanted to try making some again. Discovering raw sugar is nice, because I was almost out of sugar for tea and coffee, but it is also something new for us and I need to remember it is stronger than the regular processed white sugar. With raw sugar, less is more, and learning that is taking a few times for all of us. Wow, how sweet it was this morning! I could not believe how sweet it was compared to what I normally make. It was like a dessert tea! But at least we have sugar. We were low, extremely so, and now we're good to go. I am not one of those people who will cut out sugar from my diet. Sorry, no. I already cut so much more out of my diet now why in the hell would I cut out more? No, no no no! Muhahahaha!

Ok, moment over.

Instead of doing cookies I'm making pumpkin bread. Mmmmmmm. Pumpkin bread. It will be faster and fill the kids up better than the blueberry muffins or jello I have started. Have you ever made Jello in a bag? I have. It's....unique......and I do this for no reason other than I do it. I guess experimentation is fun every now and then.

Oh, the hair itching. I gave B and D both hair cuts. More like head shaves ....yeah....um...let's just say the clippers sucked! I am going to get a set of clippers that works and not these things that should be beard only. I have no idea what we were thinking, but I'm going to make sure we have it on the Wish List. Oh I should post about that. Hmm, so much to think about and post! But after I get a cup o' tea for me and the kids, some pumpkin bread in the oven, and consider my meager pantry items for dinner. Oh boy. Here we go again.

Just Keep Swimmin'

Busy day doing nothing but avoidance. It's difficult to want to do things, even things I need to do, when I am mindless because of something stressful.

We are a one income family. Actually, it is a half-income one income...family. Or maybe his two jobs equal one...? Oh yes I am indeed losing it because that is making me laugh! B has a part-time job in one location and works part-time, semi-so?, with the Army National Guard. That would be two part-times so that is one! Oh for goodness sakes my mind is silly.

...and with this one income, this family of (now) five is busy dealing with debt like most in the United States. We are trying to stay afloat even while we are in bowels of the poverty level. Well, they say we are. Do they know something we do not? Whoever decided this is our location on the table of financial means has yet to impress me. I would rather believe we are much better off because of where we could end up being. I'm very greatful for where we are...very grateful. Because I know it can be worse.

I do not blame anyone but ourselves. We chose the paths. We've put ourselves on this spot. So it's up to us to get out. It will just take a little time. We can not help the medical bills from our daughter, my medical bills, the expenses of traveling to hospitals, of paying rent for an apartment when work ran out.....so many things over time! It just means...that much time to erase it!

Dory helps me with this. Yeah, Dory, from Finding Nemo! "Just keep swimmin'!" I know it will get better. Just keep swimmin'....if I keep doing that, it helps me to remember, it will go away. It won't always be this way. No matter how bad it gets. Today, tomorrow...are pretty bad for us. We have not been in this spot in some time. It will take a lot of my patience to work through the kids, who do not understand why we can not get bread right now, or milk right now...

My eldest gets it, but not the little one's. My middle baby, Little A, does understand the words "no money". She gets that very well. She also understands "it will have to wait" and "not this time". But sometimes, when a favorite cereal has to be passed over for milk, or when a favorite fruit is not bought because the price is no longer low enough.....it can get difficult explaining it. One day I hope they understand we did our best. For now, we just keep swimmin'!

Now to figure out a menu from my somewhat empty pantry....

Weeeee...

Ring Dancing

I don't know why I'm drawn to Ring Dancing. I am not meaning Round Dancing. Round Dancing is something completely different. Ring Dancing is dancing with rings and not just in a ring. Here is a video example. Watch it all the way through to see the shapes he creates and the story he tells with the hoops. Eventually, he has so many on him, it's a wonder how he keeps them all going:


Ring Dancing

I will hope to have that link created properly and not just one of those http: things hanging there. It has been that long since I did a blog! Terrible isn't it? (Hey, Blogger made making a link so easy! Go Blogger!) If it does not work...go to YouTube and type in Ring Dance! Or Ring Dancing Grand Canyon under the name SoManybooks as the poster.

As you can see by the video (I hope) the rings are used with the dance and there are many shapes with meaning during the dance. The rings they pick up are not just to show off skills! The skill and endurance involved is one thing to applaud, but the feeling and meaning to the dance, to perform it, has so much more feeling and emotion to it! I am always, and completely, drawn to the dance. Humorously, I know it is not because of hula hoops. I can not do that for the life of me. Not as a kid. Not now! (Tongue in cheek. I bet the dancers hear that often!)

Because of feeling that drawn to something I have had role-play characters with part or most of the name. (Yes, I am a geek.) I have an e-mail with part of the name which is the one actually attached to this blog, and now, this blog. Ring Dancing is an art, a creative view of culture, and a wonderful dance of expression and meaning. I want, most of all, my life to be like that. I hope, down the road, I can actually say I let my life be much like a Ring Dancer. One piece at a time, picked up to the rhythm of life to create something beautiful.(And not just my kids, but something more...even though they are beautiful...and cute....and rotten...stopping now. Promise.)